Diezani Alison Madueke’s ‘Bra’ as Reparation


Well, in my over 30 years working experience involving unhooking bras, I have never engaged a bra with the purported value being bandied all over the place. We have heard some monstrous figures running into millions of dollars enough to take us out of this forever debt slavery to the Chinese.

Mbok, as I read all these reports, what comes to my mind is what kind of breast will be behind that kind of bra. A $12m bra must be protecting very valuable ministerial breast o.

The list allegedly released by the EFFC has been designed to cause maximum damage to Madam. Her image running into tatars as Nigerian’s drool over the nakedness of the vanity displayed. If this list is authentic, you know this our government na magic people, but if this list is true, then this Madam has really slapped us in the face o.

How can she embark on such a campaign of vanity? But then again one wise man whispered in my ear about the money laundering angle and I shouted o. Yes, so how else would you move that kind of cash across international boundaries. Answer is very simple, buy a million-dollar bra and just walk past.

Which customs officer will dare to ask to ‘press’ Minister Breast? Even if that machine at the airport is screaming like it always does, will you stop madam and say, ‘Please distinguished Minister, can I touch your breast? This thing is shouting.”

You see why the customs will need people like me with brazen boldness in the service. Me, as the breast is coming towards me, I will just push my female colleagues aside and say, ‘Madam Minister, I have touched many breasts in my life, in fact breast to me is like cash to cashier, he no dey move me. Can you allow me to inspect only your left breast? That is all that is needed now. I tell you; all this noise would have ended because I am expert in these things. With one hand, I will unhook the ministerial bra and seize it once and for all.

Anyways, my problem in all of these, I did not see on the list, the nipple piercing. That is the valuable metal they use to pierce their nipples that one is very sexy. That is the one I would like to sell my father’s house in Anyiam Nsit to buy. Please, anybody that has the connections, kindly contact me. Thank you.

To better understand these matters, please buy my book ‘Anonymous Nipples’ and see how I have dissected breast, bras and their owners. I strongly recommend the book to the Chairman of EFCC and their team as they embark on this brazier selling jaunt.


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